I've been tea bagged.

This entire past weekend was spent making up stories about my new neighbors.
Where they came from, their religious beliefs, mother issues, all of it.
I had a couple different scenarios regarding their lives.

a)  Mormon couple coming back to Zion
Since she had a Virginia license plate on her car, the story was that he met her on his LDS mission and brought her back to the mother land. They would not be living the the one-bedroom apartment very long because soon she would take up her duties as a breeder and perpetuate their bloodlines of Mormondom.

b)  Job Relocation
Again, because of the Virginia license plate, the story was that they relocated to Utah for a job, and found the apartment on the internet. They were from out of state, and would be super awesome new drinking buddies.
Since wife was seen crying on her lawn when they first arrived, I was pretty sure the photos of their new pad online were deceiving since they had approximately 49 Uhauls full of shit that was no way in hell fitting in that apartment.



Last night, Sister and I went over to chat chit and see if my predictions were in any way accurate.

Truth:  They were indeed a lovely Mormon couple coming back to Utah for a job.
Where I went wrong was that she had just graduated from law school in Virginia.
Ok, so I may have underestimated her initial intelligence in my time glance-stalking from across the street.  But then again, I'm always right.

So today, like any other modern person in the age of the interwebz would do, I Facebook stalked them.

OMG.  TEA PARTIERS.
Palin 2012 T-shirts and all.
OMG.
NO FUCKING SHIT.
HAVE THEY SEEN MY OBAMA SIGN IN MY GARAGE ALL WEEKEND?
HOW MANY GUNS DO THEY OWN?
I THINK MY TRUCK HAS BEEN KEYED.
WILL THEY BE ABLE TO SMELL MY GAY BROTHER'S PRESENCE AND LIBERAL AGENDA?
OMG.
FUCK.